Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
