you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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