You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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