i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
