wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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