I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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