i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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