dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
