I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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