i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
