I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
