She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
