Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
