screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
