you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
