i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
