the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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