Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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