How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
