First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
