I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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