Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
