Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
