I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
