yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I faked an abortion last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
