He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
