She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
