Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
