is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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