I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
