The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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