I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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