stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
