my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
