New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
