She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
