So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
