Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize