I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
