Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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