meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
