garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
