You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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