WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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