if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
