I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
