Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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