my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
