we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
