If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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