I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
