ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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